This past week has intrigued me as for the first time I have felt a desire to share this personal journey with anyone that will listen. As though a need to share is important to feel congruence within myself. I have had friends facing challenges the past week but have had a separation from these challenges emotionally as I have never had in the past. Previously in life I have been swept up in the emotion of whatever has been going on for them and felt a need to be a presence to support and repair issues.
Its an odd thing for me to care so deeply but not get swept up in it any longer. It is the difference I guess between empathy and sympathy. I have come to recognise the true difference in these now within myself, as I have discovered that the sympathetic drain me to my core and never left any room for me to grow and move forward.
I needed to find a space on my own terms, a space that provided me with the boundaries of life I needed for me to function in a healthy way, a way that allowed my heart to be open however did not drain all my reserves. I have always maintained that people do not necessarily need to climb fences with me, but the boundaries I have in place around what motivates and inspires me to engage are much clearer and more focused now.
I feel this will assist me in continuing a cracking pace that allows a degree of success I have not experienced prior. There is only so much an individual can give and let out over a period of time and eventually you become spent and find unhealthy ways to relieve the strain, difficulties or stress. I guess I have come to this conclusion after years of listening to those that have had personal issues and watching the actions they have taken to relive the burden.
Over the last 9 weeks I have been engaging in acupuncture sessions. It has been really interesting not only the changes in my pain response and physical change but the change in my mental patterns and they way I have been reacting. Its as though some of the band aids are finally being ripped off and I am re-configuring some of the processes I have laid down over many years. And that's not to say it is the reason for this progression to changing my lifestyle but that sometimes it takes a change in action for a change in emotion and unhealthy practice to change.